The Honeymoon is Over

The first month of mother living us was the "honeymoon" period. Things went great. It was a new adventure for all us and we were excited for the journey knowing we would hit some rough spots along the way. The honeymoon lasted about 4 weeks.

Mother talked ALL the time about living at The Corinthians Retirement Home where she had lived for almost 5 years. The people there "were closer than family" and she missed them. (So, your own family isn't like family to you??!!) Every time she got upset with me, she was moving back to the "home". If we needed to be gone for the weekend, instead of going to my sister's, she wanted to go to the "home." She called them on several occasions to make arrangements to spend the night when we WERE NOT going anywhere. In her mind, that place was the most wonderful place ever! She didn't remember that at times she wanted to move, that her feelings would get hurt, she didn't like the "gossipy ol' women" that lived there, she didn't have any friends there, that most days she never got out of bed or went to the dining hall for meals. She didn't remember that she had fallen 4 or 5 times and no one knew that she laid in the floor for long periods of time before she was able to get up. Of course, I felt it my duty to tell her how it really was when she lived there and I would explain why she could never go back to live there alone...then the fight was on!

Many times I have gone to my bedroom and cried because my feelings were hurt. Many times I've been just as mad at her as she is at me. When I gave her the daily medicines, she'd tell me that I was not her boss then she'd end up being mad me. Regardless of what I did, everything was my fault. It's very hard not to take it personally. When mother is mad at me, she uses mean words with me and a hateful attitude. I feel like I am a child again not being able to please my mother. We've had witnesses to this behavior and extended family says "put her in an assisted living". One day mother was really, really mad at me about suggesting she take her sleeping pill when she was going to bed, not at 6 in the evening. She thinks it doesn't effect her, but it makes her very sleepy and she gets even more confused, makes no sense when she talks, looses her balance easily, and has even made phone calls leaving strange messages. When I made the suggestion to take it at bed time, she got very angry and told me she wanted to move out immediately. I handled it in such a mature way as I quickly snapped, "That can certainly be arranged...1st thing in the morning!!" (I did repent later.)

I know I am to take care of her for a "season." I don't know how long that will be. I know God wanted my family to take care of her. We knew it would not always be easy just because of personalities. We also didn't realize how far along in the disease she was. We soon realized that we cannot leave her alone. We knew from the beginning this living arrangement would not be permanent but would be a transition period before she would need more care than what I can give her. At first I thought the reason God just wanted her to live with us was just to show love her and be here for her. I now realize that He wanted to teach me some things that I could only learn by going through this experience with her. I've discovered I have a few rough edges He wants to sand off using her as the sander. The sanding has begun....