Christmas is Different This Year

Well, it's been so long since I last blogged, I couldn't remember my login or my password!! It took a few tries to sign on. Now, that's sad!

I've been thinking since Thanksgiving about how different this Christmas will be. A sad feeling comes over me which makes me feel guilty. There's a lack of motivation to get ready for Christmas this year because it just won't be the same. This year only Josh and Caleb will be home....well, we hope Josh will be home. (He just started a new job and doesn't know if he will get to come. I'm in favor of quiting the job if he can't. It's just a job while in college!) Our oldest son Shane who lives in Florida with his wife, DeAnna, and son Seth, will not be coming home (also due to new job and no vacation time) and Charity and Marc, Cerys and Bailey will not be home this year. Christmas is a time for family and the joy we have when the house is full of kids and laughter and food. Christmas is the most fun when the little ones are here. Our heart breaks to not be with our grandkids at this time of year.

We normally put up the tree at Thanksgiving. Randy, Marc, Josh and Caleb have hung the lights outside for the last 10 years. The whole house is usually decorated. It's my favorite time of year and I love lots of decorations. This year we finally put the tree up a few days ago. No lights went up outside - Caleb can't do it alone and Randy can longer get up on the roof. No other decorations have been put inside, just the tree. It just doesn't seem exciting with a only 16 yr old and 19 yr old for Christmas day. They are more interested in sleeping and texting. Well, they do still want to wake up to Monkey Bread.

I read Charity's blog this morning and I cried. She worded it so much more beautifully than I could have...about Christmas not being what we want it to be. She put it into perspective and I love how she identified with Mary. Charity helped me see that I have lost the reason behind Christmas and my emphasis needs to be redirected. Yes, Christmas will not be what it has always been in the past, but instead of being sad and depressed about it, today I will finish the decorating (even though Christmas is just a few days away), I will cook the candies and cookies for whoever is here, I will play the Christmas music and be happy. I will be grateful for the opportunity to celebrate Jesus' birth, enjoy the 2 kids that will be here and look forward to a new chapter of memories of a different Christmas....and I'll still make the monkey bread.

Virtual Birthday Party

The internet is an amazing thing. (I'm so glad Al Gore invented it!) We have a web cam on our computer so we can see our grandchildren - 2 live in the UK and 1 lives in Florida. Our oldest granddaughter, Cerys, turns 4 tomorrow. She lives in Wales. This will be the first birthday of Cerys' that we have missed. So today we had a virtual birthday party for her. We shipped her presents a couple of weeks ago and today we celebrated over the internet and got to watch her open the gifts we had sent to her. We sang happy birthday to her. She and Bailey entertained us by singing for us. We just sat and watched her play with her new toys. We laughed and clapped and had just the best time. Of course it was not nearly as good as getting to hold the girls in our arms and squeeze and hug and kiss them, but at least we got to be a part of a birthday happening across the ocean far away.

There are days we ache so much to hold them that we can physically feel the ache. There are days Randy and I talk about the girls and tears fill our eyes because we want to be with them so they can crawl up in our laps and cuddle and laugh. While their parents have been called to the highest calling of which we are proud and supportive of, we still deal with the human side of longing so deeply to be close to them but dealing with and accepting the fact they are not. I guess that's where God's grace comes in.

Anyway, we had a great time at Cerys' birthday today....and are so thankful for the virtual reality of the times we are living in!!

Varsity

Tomorrow night is the first Varisty basketball game for Caleb. I am so excited about this game. My camera is in my purse ready to go. Last year as a freshman, Caleb had a very good season and the games were a lot of fun. Of course, winning is always fun. Then during the spring, he tried out for a select team sponsored by Deron Williams of the Utah Jazz. He made the team and had a very busy summer playing in tournaments everywhere from Texas A&M to OU to Las Vegas. They played in tournaments 3 weekends out of every month during the summer. It was an incredible experience for him and us. (He really liked all the traveling and staying in all those hotels!!) Randy and I went to every tournament. In Vegas, we got to go see the USA Olympic Team (made up of Deron Williams, Koby Byrant, and a few other NBA players) play Canada just a couple of days before they left to go to China for the Olympics. Anyway, playing on the Deron Williams Elite basketball team this summer helped improve his game and get him ready for school ball. And now it's here. He made the Varsity team as a sophomore. He is the only sophomore on the team and while I had my concerns about him being accepted by the juniors and seniors on the team, the guys have done an awesome job of treating him as their equal. They have played a couple of tournaments and scrimmages over the last 3 weeks and he was one of the starting five each time. He is in the gym every morning at 6:30am to work on shooting. He locks himself in the gym and he just stands there and shoots until nearly time for school to start at 8:00am. He's been doing that since school started this year. His shooting was so good in the tournaments that after the last game a couple of the seniors asked him if they could come at 6:30 and shoot too. (He was 8 for 10 on his 3 point shots and 100% at the free throw line - just to brag a little!) He still has a lot to learn on the varsity level, he is working on his speed and his defense, varisty is a lot faster than freshman or JV ball, but he is developing nicely. I expect really exciting things from him by the time he is a senior. But, now he starts his Varsity career, now comes the real test, at a real game that counts. He just finished modeling the new team uniform....he's just a little excited too! I'll keep posted on how the games goes.

The Election

I rushed home from work Tuesday, ordered pizza to be delivered, put on my pajamas, found the remote (which is usually pretty challenging - I found it in such places like the restroom, the refrigerator, Randy's pants pocket, his jacket, under the seat cushion of his recliner, to name a few) and got comfy on the sofa. I was settled in for the night to watch the Presidential election results. I don't know why I do that. I always get so upset with all the Networks because they start predicted the winner before the polls have even closed.

As the evening went by and the higher Obama's electoral vote got, the more pizza I ate. Only Caleb and I were home and we ate 2 large pizzas, breadsticks and cinnamonsticks. By the end of the evening, I was feeling sick. I'm not sure if it was the pizza or the deep, deep sense of grief that I felt. Finally by 1:00am, I realized it was over and nothing was going to change. I guess I kept waiting for someone to announce that God had caused a great miracle to happen - like the parting of the Red Sea - except it would be that McCain was the real winner, but that didn't happen.

I really had such a heaviness in my heart for our country. While McCain wasn't my first choice for the Republican candidate, he became my choice on the ballot because he more closely lined up with my Christian beliefs and principles than Obama. And of course Sarah Palin was certainly a welcomed addition to ticket.

Fear tried to grip me as I lay in bed Tuesday night. Everything I have heard and read about Obama is cause for concern. Having read the "Left Behind" series a few years ago, I can almost envision the anti-christ. How quickly will the new president lead us into horrific situations on the world scene? How quickly will Christian voices be silenced? How quickly will the Islam religion have greater rights than Christians will have? Not to mention his philosophies on abortion and withholding medical treatment to babies who survive a botched abortion. So many more babies will lose their lives because it will be so much easier for their mothers to decide even in late term that their baby will be an inconvenince to them. And my money! My "wealth is already spread around" by bill collectors. I work hard for my salary to pay our bills and provide for our family. I don't mind helping others less fortunate than me and we do give for that purpose, but I do mind the government deciding that a huge chunk of my salary should be given to those that....well...I'll just say what I think....to those that don't work, to those that want free handouts. I DO MIND!!! And I don't want to live is socialistic country.

I realize every generation has thought theirs would see the return of Jesus. But we are so much closer to that event now than ever. Biblical Prophecy seems to be more fulfilled every day. Now, I don't know that we are ushering in the days before the Tribulation, but if we're not, I know the ground work is being laid by this election to set the stage for the anti-christ. I think of my precious grandchildren and wonder what the world will be like as they grow up. I am afraid for them.

But, I must remember that God is still control no matter who is in the White House. I must remain faithful to Him. I must respect the office and pray for the man. I want him to not be all that I fear. I want God to minister to him and his family, I want God to show him that He is the Way and the Truth. I want God to keep him and his family safe. I pray that some stupid white supremist skinhead doesn't do harm him.

I know the end times are coming and I know I will spend eternity in heaven. I am secure in that fact. But I don't want to go yet.

The Amazing Race

I just got home from a youth event at our church called the Amazing Race. We sign up as teams (there were 8 of us on my team), get our first clue and the time begins. We run (literally) jump in the car and we're off to figure out the location of the next clue. Sometimes the clues are fairly simple while others, if not thought completely through, can lead you to nowhere ticking minutes off the clock. Each team tries to collect 10 clues and complete 10 tasks and race back to the church. The team who does this in the least amount of time wins. Each clue is printed on an envelope which is sealed. If you just can't figure out the answer, you can open the envelope to get the answer but an opened envelope will add 10 minutes to your time. All ten envelopes are turned in at finish. Oh, my team is made up 10th grade girls.

Our clues took us from Plano to Carrollton to Frisco & back to Plano. One clue read, "Go to a well known intersection in Plano where farm animals are kept, distuished men gather to read and the potter can be found." First of all, do you know how many "well known intersections" there are in Plano? There are quite a few actually! The answers to the clue were loudly debated ranging from a housing division with the word Ranch in it, to a library or bookstore. The answer: Barnes & Noble at Preston Rd and Park. Farm animals are kept in a barn (Barnes), distinuished (Noble) men would read in reading rooms, and the potter (Harry Potter) can be found (in the children's section). Once we got there, part of the team charged into Barnes & Noble to the children's area where an Amazing Race person was waiting, a task was given and completed, the next clue received then race back to the car where I was waiting with motor running, doors open, ready to race away. Some tasks were physical like kicking a football through the goal posts at a particular high school, singing a certain song or answering questions, etc. At a fire station, we ALL had to get out of the car and "Stop, Drop and Roll". I only had trouble on the "getting up part" after I rolled!

The race began at 1:00pm and we had to be back at the church by 3:00pm even if we had not found all the clues. We finished with all 10 clues completed at 2:48pm. We felt pretty good about that!! We won't know until next Sunday who the winner is. But no matter what place we finished, we were excited that we finished!

I am reminded of the spiritual application of a race and how we are in the most Amazing Race of all, the race of life. We are to finish the race strong, completing the tasks God has set for each of us. He has given us the clues to this race throughout His Word and He has equipped us to run. The clues tell us how to be prepared and how to run this race all the way to the finish line... the clues also tell us not just how to finish, but how to enjoy the race itself. And today as the girls worked together to figure out the clues, there was A LOT of discussion, but there was no arguing or fighting. They worked as a team with support and encouragement. They cheered each other on as tasks were attempted. They were one today. No one better than the other, all hurt feelings laid aside, no drama (now that's HUGE!), they were a team, they enjoyed every minute of the race-even when they got a clue wrong, and they finished strong together. Isn't that how we as Christians should be conducting ourselves during THE race? Working together, supporting, encouraging, cheering each other on? We could run harder and farther with the encouragement of each other, feel lifted up when discouraged, enjoy the race so much more and finish victoriously strong, together, cheering!

The Mud

So often God teaches me spiritual truths through an experience with one of the four children. I think He knows that my understanding of Him can be more easily grasped when I see it in relation to my kids. I recently was reminded of the mud....

We decided the day was too pretty to stay inside, so we headed out to pick wild flowers in the field. We walked along together, but I was apparently going too slow. My 3 year old, Charity, ran on ahead. I called for her to come back but…after all, she was only 3 and the path ahead looked a lot more interesting than going back to see what Mommy wanted. She looked adorable that day wearing the cute little pink short set and new white sandals. Puffs of dust were flying up from her heals as her little feet swiftly carried her to her destination of which only she knew. As I came around the bend in the path taking in the view, I could not get the words out fast enough. I yelled for her to stop but my words did not reach her ears in time. There she was in her pretty pink shorts and brand new white shoes covered with mud. She stood in mud deep enough that I could not see her feet and drops of dark brown liquid dripped off her clothes. I ran to grab her before more damage could be done but as she saw me moving swiftly toward her, she bolted. “I can get out myself, Mommy” she screamed as she tried to pick up her little feet now suctioned to the bottom of the mud puddle. But she would not be stopped. As she tried to get herself out, pulling and kicking, she fell…face forward into the thick, dark paste. She couldn’t move. There she lay, helpless…not strong enough to push herself up because of the weight and grip of the mud. My emotions were stirring in me. I was mad that she did not listen. I thought she deserved this and it would teach her a lesson. And at the same time, my heart broke to watch her struggle not able to get up on her own. I had to get in the mud myself to rescue her. I reached down, picked her up and drew her closely to me. I wanted her to know I was there and she was safe. I wanted to hug her close letting her know I loved her no matter how dirty she was. I sat down in the mud with her in my lap, I took the tail of my shirt and began to wipe away the mud from her nose and mouth so she could breathe. I wiped her eyes so she could see. I cleaned out her ears so she could hear. And then I just held her as she cried. She cried because the fall had scared her. She cried because she thought she would get in trouble. She cried because mud went up her nose. She cried because her pretty new sandals were ruined. We sat together in the mud and she just cried.

After quite sometime, we got up, got out of the mud and walked toward the wild flowers away from that horrible place in the path that had grabbed her. In silence we walked hand in hand, both now covered in mud, except now we could breathe and see and hear. Finally I said, “Did you hear me call you, Honey? She nodded her head in response. “Do you know why I called you?” I asked. She looked up at me and without hesitation asked, “Did you see the mud?” “Yes, Sweetheart, I saw the mud.” We took a few more steps when she stopped me, obviously having pondered the situation and said, “Mommy, did you see the mud because you are taller than me?” I knelt down in front of her looking into her eyes and explained, “Because I am taller, I can see farther down the road – I knew what is ahead. You will not fall into the mud if you will listen to me, walk beside me and don't run ahead of me. When we stay together, I can carry you over the mud so you will not get dirty.” She slipped her arms around my neck pulling me closer, and with her big brown eyes looking straight into my heart she whispered, “I don’t like mud in my nose. I want you to see the mud for me, Mommy.”

Have you ever thought God was just going too slowly? Perhaps He was not moving in a particular situation as quickly as you thought He should. You decide to run on ahead. You don't want to waste time. You know you can take charge of the situation. Or, perhaps you see something ahead that you really want, so you run for it. You run to it as quickly as you can. You run fast. You race around the bend in road and there it is…the mud. You didn’t see it coming. In you go, head first.

How many times will I fall into the mud before I remember that I’ve run ahead of Him again? God sees the mud in the path ahead of me. He warns me. He calls me, but I do not hear Him. Sometimes, like my daughter, I just do not want to hear Him…it looks like too much fun ahead or I am so focused on what I want, I don’t see the mud. Just like her, I run into the mud and get bogged down. I become covered with the nasty, wet dirt. I can’t breathe or see or hear God because of what I have fallen into. I cannot get out of the mess on my own. I am not strong enough. I am trapped. But, God in His grace and mercy, reaches down, picks me up, draws me close to Him, wipes away the mud and sets me back on the dry path. He tells me if I will listen, He will direct me around the mud. He can show me how to avoid the pit. There will still be mud, but I do not have to get dirty. If I will slow down, wait for Him, He will lift me up over the mud. All I have to do is listen and trust him… not run ahead of him…just walk beside Him…hand in hand. He’s taller than me. He can see what I cannot see…and I don’t like mud in my nose either.

iPOD Touch??

I am amazed by the new iPOD Touch!! I am fascinated with it. Caleb got one for his birthday and I love it. Our phone contract with TMobile is up in December (can't wait to be rid of T Mobile!!!!) so I am going to get him an iPhone so I can have his iPOD Touch!! And according to me and just between us, I think the iTouch is SOOOOO much better than the iPhone. :)

Happy Birthday to the baby!

Today, October 14th at 10:00 a.m. in 1992 the baby was born. He weighed in at 10 pounds and 15 1/2 ounces. He was 22 1/2 inches long. When the nurses took him to the nursery to be checked out and clean up, they laid him on his stomach in the little clear bassenet. Standing outside the nursery window were his two brothers and his sister, Randy, my mother and Randy's dad. Caleb raised his head and looked at them, then he pushed his arms out in front and raised all the way up lifting himself from the waist up off the bed. We have video to prove it. Not only was he huge, he was strong.

Later in the morning as his sister, Charity, stood watching him through the glass, a man and his daughter stood nearby looking at another baby. They looked at Caleb for a moment then the man said in a concerning tone of voice, "Look at that baby. I wonder why a baby that old is here in the newborn nursery." Charity was furious. She spun around, glaring at the man and said, "because he is only 4 hours old!" and stormed off. She was nearly in tears when she found her dad. How dare anyone talk about her baby brother!

The newborn diapers did not fit. The nurses had to go down to the pediatric floor to get the next size diapers for him. And knowing how many diapers a baby goes through in a day, Randy had been buying newborn diapers for months and we had a closet full of them. They were soon donated to a daycare.

I loved looking through the old photos tonight. What precious memories of that day! Such a beautiful, precious baby. The years have gone by way too quickly. These sixteen years have been filled with such joy and laughter.

Caleb, you have lived up to your name. You have enriched our lives. You keep us young (...and tired). It is truly an honor to be your mother. I count it a privilege to be entrusted by God to teach and train you in His ways. Keep the Word around your neck and in your heart that you may always obey Him and not forget what He has done for you.

I am so glad you are YOU! I love you, son. Happy 16th Birthday.

1 year birthday party!

Life Can Change in a Moment...just ask my friend

I sat at Starbucks this afternoon with one of my best friends. I have had two best friends for many years and consider myself very blessed to have them. Jane is a breast cancer survivor and has walked a difficult and unique path in life. One day I'll blog all about her and our story. But today I sat with Mare. Tomorrow morning her husband will have surgery for a brain tumor. After several medical opinions, one thing was conclusive - it is located in the worst possible place of the brain regardless of whether it is benign or malignant. This tumor is in the very center of his brain. To complicate matters, he also has a brain aneurysm. I cannot grasp the emotions that come with this diagnosis or completely understand what one goes through preparing for this. Needless to say the past 4 weeks have been filled with tears, stress, and fear. Understandable! I wish I could fix the situation, fix his head, fix it all. But, all I can do is be there for Mare. To listen - whether it is fear, anger or weariness that need to come out - just be there to offer support and love. And today, that just doesn't seem to be enough.

This has reminded me how life can change in a moment. One minute thinking its just a headache, the next minute hearing the horrific truth. We are never ready to hear such things, no matter how strong we are spiritually. We never want or expect bad things to happen to us or those we love. But these things do happen. And we walk through it the best way we can or know how. One thing I find very hard to understand is how people go through the bad times without the comfort of God. I personally need the assurance that someone much bigger than me is in control. I need the assurance and peace that He will get me through because I know on my own, I am useless. I know I need Him.

John, please believe God loves you and you need Him, too!

The Baby Grew Up!

Tonight is Homecoming. Our 4th child, now the last one at home, turns 16 next week and tonight as we drove over to his date's house to meet up with the group for dinner and the dance, I realized this was the last time I'd drive him to homecoming. He'll get his license in a few more days and he will no longer need me for his transporation. And as we took pictures, looking beyond the little 2.5 inch screen on my digital camera, I saw my baby so grown up. There he stood, 6'4", looking handsome in his new black suit standing tall beside a lovely young lady. Where did the time go? He surely is not old enough for this!! The baby!! But I watched him in this moment of friends and mom's taking pictures, I was so proud. A fine young man he is turning out to be.

Do I Flush?

Well, this is random but I had a dilema in the restroom at work. When I went into the restroom on our floor at work, there was a young lady talking on her cell phone. She had her notepad on the counter between the sinks, writing and talking like it was her private office. I quietly went into one of the stalls. As I was taking care of nature's call, I wondered if the person she was talking to could hear me. I became really self-conscious and thought I should just sit quietly waiting for her to finish her conversation and leave. She talked about the cute little dogs at the shelter that needed homes - apparantly working at an animal shelter is her second job! After what seemed a very long time, I just couldn't wait anymore. I finished my business, much relieved! She was still talking!! I stood and reached for the handle to flush but my hand froze in mid-air. I didn't know what to do. Do I flush? Her caller would certainly hear that. I stood there contemplating what to do feeling trapped in the stall. Then I got tickled. I stood there trying to keep my laughing silent. I figured my boss or my co-workers were going to start wondering what happened to me. This lady never missed a beat, just kept right on talking like she was the only one in her "office." I couldn't be courteous any longer.

I flushed!

The Homecoming Date

This weekend is Homecoming. For months, the girls have been consumed with finding the perfect dress and shoes, wondering how to fix their hair, getting nails done and wondering about who they should ask or worrying about who might ask them to the dance. Some daydream about "Mr. Hotty" sending a "text" to ask her to the dance. (What happened to the telephone...for actually talking?) Some are content to go in groups while others MUST have a date. So much thought, worry, anxiety, stress and sometimes fun goes into Homecoming. The boys, well, they're a little different breed. Some may go buy a new suit because Mom makes them while others will figure it out on Saturday. Most don't feel it necessary to make plans of any kind prior to Dance day. Parents (okay, mothers) want to know "how are you getting there, who's driving, where are you going to dinner, where is the dance, what are you doing after the dance, who all is in the "group", what time is her curfew". Boys don't have answers to these questions. They do make sure mom or dad picks up the corsage for their date and they plan to shower 20 minutes before needing to be at her house for pictures, and mom can go take pictures if she promises to act like she is a total stranger passing by and stops just to try out her new camera, having never seen the young man before. I know there are a few boys out there who have a streak of romance and will plan to arrive in a limo, take her to the perfect dinner and dance with her like he has just been on "Dancing with Stars", sweeping her off her feet - but those guys are hard to find!

I wonder with all the weeks of preparation leading up to the big evening, how many of the girls and boys have spent any time thinking about the hours following the dance. Have they planned ahead and know where their bar is set? Where their line is drawn? How many of them decide before dance night what their answer will be when faced with a situation of giving in and giving their innocence away because someone is putting pressure on them to "go all the way" or even part of the way? Do they realize they will never be able to take it back? If they only realized that in a few weeks or months, that "special someone" will move on to someone else. If both girls and guys could understand that they deserve better than that, they deserve to be treated better than that. As boys are putting the pressure on the girls to become sexually involved, they should remember she is someone's daughter, she is someone's sister, she is going to be someone's mother. Do they really want to face those people in her life? The girls who are so boy crazy and would do anything to "keep him" should remember he is someone's son, he is someone's brother and he is going to be someone's dad. Maybe, just maybe, she'd stop throwing herself at him. Respecting each other for who they are today and who they will become would stop the wrong behavior.

You can go on dates and have a great time without the sex. You're too young for that emotional ride. You deserve better than living with guilt and shame, risking disease and pregnancy. Your future is bright and full of hope. Don't let anyone take that from you.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11